Halloween is finally here. Excellent! I mean if there's one thing that Pluto, Washington does better than any place else on earth, it's Halloween. Figures right? After all, this is Freaksville revisited.
Anyway, Fatty, Wiley, Cody, Marion, Wiggy and me decide to Trick-or-Treat together before the big Halloween party at my house afterwards. The whole class is invited, even Deadeye Danny and Felix, whose ankle mended practically overnight after his accident last week. We all decided pretty early on what costumes we were gonna wear, which is pretty important since no one wants to be caught dead wearing what someone else is. Fatty is going as Thor, the Thunder God from the Avengers comic book, Wiley is going as a big, green lizard, Cody is going as a mad scientist, Marion is going as a werewolf (big surprise there), Wiggy is going as a Mummy, and I'm going as Spock, the Vulcan from the old TV series, Star Trek. Most of my friends have no idea who he is, but my dad, who is a physicist, loves the show, so we watch the DVDs all the time. I'm really excited about my costume, since my mom made me a blue Star Trek Science Officer costume just like Spock's, and bought me an official pair of Spock ears and a Phaser. Only the Phaser can't really zap anyone, which is too bad.
So we all meet up at the Crossroads, where four streets converge, since it's the halfway point for all of us. Everyone looks pretty cool in their costumes, except for Wiley, who looks more like a big green pickle than a lizard. He's not happy about the way it turned out, so he's kind of in a bad mood. Anyway, we're all standing there, waiting for Wiggy to turn up, and he's late as usual, and we're getting pretty bummed, when Fatty sees him on Constellation Way.
"Hey, Wiggy. Hurry up man! Al the good candy'll be gone by the time we start," Fatty yells.
Wiggy, who was lumbering down the street, really playing up the whole Mummy walk, turns toward us and straggles over, dragging part of his bandage costume behind him. He looks great! If I didn't know it was him under there, I might've gotten spooked.
"Okay, we're all here. Let's go," Cody yells, and we all start toward Elm Street, with Wiggy bringing up the rear. We're all so eager to get started, we don't even wait for him to catch up.
Trick-or-Treating is one of the best things ever invented by man. I mean, think about it? Getting dressed up in a fun costume on the spookiest night of the year, and going right up to people's houses, ringing their doorbell and holding your bag open for them to drop candy into it while you yell, "Trick or Treat?" Is that the best racket ever or what?
So we're Trick-or-Treating for a while, when I notice that Wiggy doesn't have his bag with him. "Dude, where's your bag of candy?" I say, and he looks at me and makes a weird moaning sound. Uh Oh! "Guys?" I yell at the others. "Wait up! I think Wiggy ate all his candy and has a stomach ache."
"Are you gonna throw up?" Fatty says, taking a step back.
Wiggy moans again. We all look at each other, then back at Wiggy.
"He doesn't look so good," Marion says, then raises his head and sniffs the air. "And he smells kinda funky. Wiggy, you need a shower, Dude."
Wiggy moans again and kind of staggers toward us. I start to get a little worried. "Hey guys, you don't think he ate some bad candy, do you?"
Marion looks at me, his big, shaggy fake werewolf eyebrows drawing together in a big ol' frown. "What? You mean like poisoned candy?" he says.
"No! I yell. "That's not what I meant, but thanks for putting that out there." I look at Wiggy again as he's shuffling around, looking like he's going to keel over any minute.
"Poisoned? Oh crap!" Fatty yells, his eyes bulging like they're ready to pop out of his skull. The effect makes him look like one messed-up Thunder God.
"Nobody said anything about poison," I yell back, but by this time we're all pretty freaked out.
"I vote we go back to Rod's house," Marion says. "His mom's a doctor. She'll know what to do."
"Good idea," Wiley chimes in, nodding so hard, his lizard head wobbles back and forth. "Besides the others'll start arriving soon."
"Never mind the others," I yell, grabbing one of Wiggy's bandaged arms and pulling him behind me. "C'mon. Let's get home before he throws up."
"Or dies," Wiley adds, running behind me with his lizard head in his arms.
"Shut up," Marion hisses, looking so fierce in his werewolf getup that Wiley clamps his mouth shut and runs ahead, leading the way.
At my house, we all burst in talking at once, making the twins scream, and my mom almost have a heart attack.
"Rodney!" she snaps. "Don't do that again. You boys almost gave me a heart attack." (See? That's how I know she almost had one).
As soon as we explain what's happened to Wiggy, Mom takes charge. "Good Heavens," she says, peering at him closely. "You do look a tad green under those grubby bandages, Willard (that's his real name. Do you blame him for preferring Wiggy?). Come on, I'll help you get them off and we'll take a closer look at you."
Just as she reaches for him, the front doorbell rings. "I'll get it," I say. "It's probably some of the kids for the party."
I yank the front door open.
And almost pee my pants.
Wiggy is standing out there, grinning at me. "Hey Dude!" he says. "Sorry I missed Trick-or-Treating. Had to help my dad change a couple of tires on the pickup. How'd it go? You gonna share?"
I stare at him. I open my mouth to say something...anything...but nothing comes out.
Wiggy frowns at me. "Hey, you okay? What's up? You're not mad, are you? I couldn't help it, okay? My dad needed my help."
"Rodney?" Mom calls out. "Who is it? My goodness, Willard, your mom must have bought out all the bandages in the pharmacy. I can't believe how you're covered in them."
I turn slowly toward Mom and fake-Wiggy, my heart pounding like it's gonna jump outta my chest and take off. "It's...it's...it's.." I croak.
Everyone turns toward me. Unable to continue, I step aside.
For a second nobody says anything, then as one, they turn to look at fake-Wiggy wrapped in bandages, then back at real Wiggy dressed in a really bad Mummy costume, which is actually just toilet paper wrapped around him, and which has already unraveled on his head.
"Willard?" Mom says uncertainly, turning from him to the Mummy standing next to her, which is, by the way, still moaning. "Then...then who's this?"
For another second no one moves or says a word.
Then Wiley and Cody scream together, and make a beeline for the door, knocking over both Wiggy and me as they hightail it out of my house.
"It's a real Mummy," Fatty screams, and falls over Klingon, my dog, who's whining and running in circles around Fatty's legs.
By this time, Mom has a huge handful of bandages in her hands, and the top half of a decrepit looking head is revealed and these eerie, hollow eye sockets are staring at her.
"Oh...dear," Mom whispers, and I think she's going to faint. I run over to catch her just as she starts to sink to the floor, the bandages falling from her hands. Just as Marion and I catch her, the Mummy grabs the bandages and lumbers toward the bay window in the family room. Both the twins are holding each other and screaming, huddled on the couch, but the Mummy ignores them. He reaches the window and in one lightning-fast move, jumps right through it onto the front yard. By now we're all pretty petrified and scream together in stereo, and I'm pretty sure there wasn't a dry pair of underwear anywhere in the room at that moment.
We all run toward the window and peer out, and there he is, lumbering down the street, looking spooky and otherworldly in the glow of the lamp posts. His moans come floating back to us on the night air.
"Man," says Wiggy. "I've never seen any guy get that mad at having someone else wear the same costume as him. Talk about an over-reaction!"
Hey, nobody ever said Wiggy was the sharpest tool in the shed.
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