Field trip today! Yay! Those are the best kind of days for any kid anywhere, but our field trip today qualifies as the most amazing, most awesome trip...ever!!
We're on our way to the science museum in the city, and just the ride there is fun. Wiggy Nastrom brings along the greatest gag I've ever seen -- a remote controlled fart thingy called the FartMaster 2000, and puts it under Mr. Kellogg, our science teacher's chair. Every time he stands up to yell at someone, Wiggy sets the thing off, and a massive fart explodes through the bus. By the time we get to the museum, Mr. Kellogg's face is the color of a stop sign, and we're all laughing hard enough to pee ourselves. It was excellent!
At the museum is where the real fun starts. At first we're all pretty quiet as the guide, a 100-old-woman who smells of Pledge, tells us a list of rules we have to follow, but when the tour starts, we all get pretty restless. We go through hall after hall of old things, but the best hall is the one with the mummies and stuff from Egypt, and the one with the humongous dinosaur skeletons. Cody Tyler is trailing after my best friend Fatty Tinkler and me. I don't know what Fatty's real name is. He's been Fatty since we were in preschool together. I think his big brother started calling him that and the name stuck. The thing is, the name really suits him and I don't think even Fatty thinks of it as an insult.
Anyway, Cody's trailing behind us, and I'm pretty sure he's listening in on our conversation, when all of a sudden the 100-year-old woman says, "Hey, You there? Young man?" We all turn around automatically and stare at Cody. Man, when I tell you that his head is growing like a hot-air balloon being filled with Helium, I'm not kidding. We're all staring at him, and one of the girls starts to scream, and pretty soon all the girls and even some of the boys are screaming, and pretty soon Mr. Kellogg's lost control of the entire group and the ancient woman is screeching something about 9-1-1, and Cody's head is expanding faster than an elastic band being pulled in five different directions, and we're all staring so hard I'm pretty sure our eyes are going to pop out, and Fatty whispers to me that he hopes Cody's head explodes all over the dinosaur bones cos that would be cool and we'd get to be on TV, when all of a sudden, Cody's head turns BLUE! Yeah....blue. His head is expanding and it's blue and it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen (and believe me, I've seen some pretty amazing things living in Pluto, Washington), when suddenly Mr. Kellogg and one of the chaperones find their voices and their feet and they grab Cody and haul him off, and he's screaming at the top of his lung, "Jasmine! Jasmine!" Turns out Cody was allergic to the old woman's perfume which had jasmine flowers in it. Wow! I mean, I'm allergic to pollen and stuff but my head doesn't expand and turn blue. Some kids have all the luck!
The rest of the tour is pretty boring, and we're all wondering what the heck happened to Cody, and whether we're going to get interviewed for TV, and then we're on the bus again headed for home, and Wiggy whips out his Fartmaster 2000 again, and the ride home is excellent. Poor Cody! He got to go to the hospital and get a shot and missed watching the chaperones squirm every time the FartMaster went off.
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